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Nissan built a new car production line in Sunderland England and it was the day before the plant was to start up for the first time. All the press were waiting and the Japanese Nissan President on hand to greet Maggie Thatcher who was coming to press the ceremonial button. Everyone was very tense. In a back room a junior QA guy was going through the final checks when he noticed that a flywheel that was waiting in the production line was the wrong size. All the top management paniced - they needed 1000 of these parts by dawn tomorrow or the big day would be a disaster. They scoured all the plants in europe and managed to get 1000 boxed up and waiting on the tarmac at Schiphol airport by 3:30 that afternoon - the bits would be flown to Sunderland just in time. The small cargo plane took of and was over England with its cargo when DISASTER - the engines started to loose power. There was nothing for it but to dump the cargo so the flight engineer went down into the hold and started hurling the bits out of the plane.
10,000 feet below Major Gunham-Downe was taking tea with his wife on the lawn of their modest mansion when suddenly huge lumps of jagged metal started embedding themselves in the grass all around. "What on earth is that squeaked Mildred" - spilling some tea in her saucer. The Major took one look and grunted "Nothing to worry about M'dear - Its just started raining Datsun Cogs."
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon? ' 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
An old Italian lived alone in New York. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love ,
Vinnie
Hi All
What do they learn in Pirate School?
The thre AAaarrghs.
Best regards
Mike T.
Email: PPadmin@planningplanet.com
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