Judging by the rate of postings into this forum, none of us have anything better to do - or are we just having so much fun that even our Planning Obsessives/Compulsives are being de-toxed.

The thought of Sweatty Betty, though, is enough to put-off anyone!! Urrggghh.

Why has for ladies eyes only turned into "for men with simpering, sycophantic, protological needs".
Dear oh dear what is the world coming too
Send the hussies out to work
Gamble in their absence and beat them when they forget to
a) feed the dog
b) feed the children
C) feed the pidgeons
d) turn off/on the telly
All this PC is disgusting
If its a woman dont, call it a soft cuddly object to be traeted and listened too
Oh dear
Oh dear
toooooo much Charlie or Glen
We love ladies planners they are really good
Every site should have a least 20 all in senior positions
Men should be under them all the time
If they are pretty they should be promoted further
Sorry no thats a wrong bit

Well thats warmed my fingers now to work

Where is Charlie is he actually in Queensland
Or
Antartica

Charlie, Charlie - did someone mention a line-of-charlie. Two lines are preferred, and I can offer £5 per-line and can bring my own straw.

Anyone got a couple of Kgs to sell? Make me dosh far quicker than this planning lark!!!

This thread is like the kettle for the Queen of Hearts’ tea, it’s going off the boil. Would a large dose of Oscar provide a remedy?

Oh dear
Oh Dear
Oh Dear
sighed the rabbit to the Queen of hearts
If only I could be in recruitment for a top secret company
Oh dear
Pass the tea vicar

after the book of dead projects...
i feel i depressed...



just joined and found!

All at once, he awoke - his body shimmering with the drops of cold sweat, instantly clinging to his clothing and freezing into pellets of ice. The eyes were staring into the crisp skies of a frosted morning, with blurring images of people stepping-over him as they made their way to offices - ignoring the fact that there, lying in front of them, was The Man...the one that made it all happen.

Had he fallen from grace or was he pushed? All that we know is that, today, rising stiffly from the muddy, diesel-ridden snow that infects the gutters, his slumbering nightmare had ended. It was all but a dream. Now was the time to come-in-from-the-cold......

The March-of-the-’Bots had been initiated. Homing-in on the victim’s signal, there was no stopping their murderous onslaught. Despite the inventor’s Prime Directive, a rogue element of the ’bots had been programmed via a virus infected Bluetooth download. Their LOGIC had been corrupted.....AND NOW THEY WERE ON A MISSION......

Hong Kong was awake and wondering
Where was Oscar
Perhaps Charlies agents (like Charlies angels but less attractive and constantly talking about planning) had got him
Ever since he had started questioning the logic of having a programme nobody could understand Oscar had began to go very quite, perhaps he had gone the way of sweaty betty ex aberdeen and the slappers conference
Was he too to be found in Houston while still masquarading as being in Brazil was he back in Lithuania
Or was he really in the foundations of a structure somwhere in a previous soviet state
Only
Oscar new

Thoughts aghast - maybe he’s at peace - propping-up the foundations of his last project - having spoke the truth, unknowingly, to Don Corleone. An offer was made, but it was refused. Of "The Family" he is no more?

Hooters Arbroath ??? now that really would be nippy......
:-P

Parp, Parp said Sweaty Betty.....

Indeed - Where is Oscar???????

who had recently come in from the cold and was at work suffering from hot flushes induced by a Planning Forum at the branch office, The Ferryman, Aker Brygge the night before. Wishing to cascade to the interested reader, Sweaty Betty the Lady Planner from Inpana and founder member of S.L.A.P.P.E.R.S is, alas, no more. Now a house owning resident in Houston looking forward to the Rodeo. After throwing in the towel when her boss tried to reduce her meagre wages, she is, at present, a house mouse, and is "resting" between assignments. There is absolutely NO truth in the rumour she is currently working in the establishment known as Hooters.

Clive,

Is it contagious? Emanations of sporadic and meaningless drivel, reminds me of someone, possibly me, but someone else as well, just can’t quite think who at the moment.

Chris Oggham

After his wife had told him to get a life, Oscar had traded in his Planning vocation and was partaking in training for next seasons cricket. Still Shaney boy had better perfect that spin as Oscar, allegedly, was going to come up trumps.

who are we refering too?

Oscar realised that he was missing lithuania
It had been some time since he had left somewhat under a cloud
While Belarus was good for him he realised that he missed the see and in his heart there was also something missing which he was struggerling to reconcile.
While Oscar did not really rate females on site he

Clearly GFI/SW was still bound and gagged, hopefully from another lunch voucher, lunch time heist in Rio and nothing more sinister.
M morphing to SW returned from Moscow to the far north. She had reluctantly dispensed with the luxury of her 6 ft black belt karate driver Viktor.
Laden with amber, wood, gold, a non conflict diamond complete with a Silver Fox, nights oot in Aker Brygge would never be the same again now her wings were clipped. Still she welcomed the virtual reunion of her Nercopals.

It must be me, as I have a perennially guilty conscience as well as a murky past!!!

A shadow passed across the face of the sun! Could it be "he who’s name must not be spoken" returning through a time warp from an interstellar trip to garner hyperbole? Had he not echoed the words of Douglas MacArthur and left everyone wondering if it was a threat or a promise?

Only the slow passage of time will reveal the answer.

It was evident that Carlos the Jackal had hobbled home, distraught that he had inherited the dichromatism gene whilst the more robust planners nutured the achromatopsia version.
What really drove him to the depth of despair was that dichromatism was sex linked. How could he possible live with himself? Was he special to belong to this 7% of the population? Or would the inability to see various shades of grey (a characteristic highly regarded in the northern latitudes especially on Construction sites)handicap his undermining abilities?

Things were, indeed, quite quiet on the Wester Front. Despite people trying to muddy the water, plans had indeed gone underground and were rotten bottom up.
Still, the GFI was returning to Rio a broken woman now that the Sevillians were even dancing in Smoggieland whilst M was trudging East signing off Mustgo cant be rushing.

It was quite very quite
The lights had gone out and nobody seemed to care
What was happening
No reaction only inaction
HAd capatain Charlie succeded
Only time would tell

PS no names no packdrill

Duct Tape recovering from his opium den fragrantly sniffed the harbour.
Where was frenchie was that really his last post seemed as much, had he really left Asia or was he labouring under a heavy workload of diplomacy. Ever since the Iran debacle at Charles De Gaulle life had not been the same.
And where was Nelson he could not believe in a brandy filled coffin as he was never one for the drink preferring Hardie ship mates or a little bit of Lamb.
Still he was sure to get a column somwhere perhaps even in PP
So rio baby was returning hopefully not to the Somme but a market garden somwhere else to study variations on hydro therapy with a slightly higher percentage of addatives.
Duct tape retired for a wee dram and pondered.
Jardine was his man

Nelson, half cut and completely sozzled (Snowhite had immersed his body in a barrel of brandy when he had passed out in Deckins Stavanger)was sick of being tail end Charlie and had decided to recruit Frog 1. Despite Ms endeavours to search under every stone Frog 1 had appeared to have gone underground.
GFI was at this very minute landing in Seagull City off the Rio shuttle to pick up Herdies pies and was en route to a dubious Smoggie sporting event in the land of the flat and boring.
Despite the far and wide scattering of his compatriotes, Nelson had come to the conclusion he would get even, a case of an Aye for an Aye.

Authors note. The above events are based on actual act and names and places have not been changed to protect the guilty.

Watch out for Dr No’s dog, the white one, pretty vicious, might take James the spy by accident, the dog has backup called JAWS

M vowed to skelp 007s dowper as chainage smacked of bondage.
Considering Sean Connery MB OAP could still give the other Bonds a run for the money even sans rug, was Bonds age really relevant.
Most Contractors knew the true line of balance was 2 pints 2 G & Ts, 2 sherries and 2 Herdies Pies in each hand whilst walking a straight path against the crashing current of staffies leaving work at 3.30pm on a holiday weekend.

It was hot and sticky in Hong Kong
However the last shipment had been made to Dubai
Things were looking up
In a few weeks the sleeper would be in Dubai
Where at this stage was still to be decided and it relied heavily on what the mad planners next mail contained
He had read all the background rantings and believed that the mad planner was responsible for some major international disasters where jobs had finished late but nobody could figure out why.
The software had simply destroyed itself and all the as built programmes had evaporated along with the mother board.
Then the mad planner simply moved on to another unsuspecting client flourishing an apparently impecable CV devoid of disasters.
The sleeper knew he was now in Dubai or at least he thought he was as the trail had gone cold after a serries of irrational e mails.
He also knew that he was preapring a planning cell, trying to find like minded individuals in an effort to upload his software.
After the demise of SM and the apparent loss of her child (maybe it was not lost it was just not talked about any more)the sleeper was concerned. Had she been got at or was she knitting another Carnival outfit for the South American member of slappers.
He returned to his pondering of the mad planners domination of planning planet.
He was high on the table of most regular visitors, did he just sit there constantly logging on and if so why.
Was this a way of worming
If you answered his e mails would your machine be infected worst still would you start to think like him.
The sleeper pondered this as he completed another programme with just two activities
Project Started
Project finished
He could now sit back and wait
Wait to pounce on the next e mail from the mad planner
He decided to carry out a database check
Would this throw up mad planners cell members, those who had be brainwashed into thinking software was the only answer and had started fermenting this splinter group called the software jockeys.
It was going to be a long sticky day.
It then occured to him that GF had not been around for a while. No contact at all. Where was he? had he been knobbled
Was the cell removing the planners who had been at the labouring sharp end, if so the sleeper could be next.
Just then he received a private e mail
What was Viagra did it really improve your performance, he didnt know.
Where would the next meeting of the slappers be.
He decided to write the forword to PLEC (Planning Labourers & Experienced Contractors) after that he would route out the software jockey.
Dubai was the start point.

Somewhat confused the Rio Slapper awoke from a very long sleep induced by too many caprinhas and many late nights analysing the various paths in Charlie’s schedule. She had come to the conclusion that Wolf or no Wolf she would take her chances in the woods for to be sure it was the quickest path.

She pondered the question of the wherabouts of M - the clues seemed, to her at least, to point to Cairo, the Cat, the desert.........well M ? Close ?

There had been much discussion on the new 007. Not only was he English and blonde ergo blondes have more fun but he was of the male species - Central Casting are SO predictable. Despite Ms Moneyeuro trying to bed Bond since 1963 (you would have thought they would have taken up carpet bowls by now) M would have no Hanky Panky on her shift. The elusive damned cat was always 2 yards in front of the vet when he called. That was bad enough, especially as the cat was required as a prop for secretly recording the planning of Bonds global missions.
M vowed to update her furryboots but alas her phone number remained top secret until the Irish 007 was reinstated.

M was james Bonds boss, and check point charlie was situated in Berlin, but Snow white was this beautiful princess who fell asleep,and was kissed by somebody special, why all the side tracking? lets get on with the story and keep it magical. So ms Pennyfarthing under instruction from ’M’ told 007 the Queen would hit him on the the head with a sword, and make him a prince, so that he JB ’007’ could go and kiss Snow White and resolve all the outstanding issues in terms of the NEC and make it happen, so they could go to bed.

The all-seeing eye insinuated itself into the system, its purpose to seek out the Charlie and convey its secret message. But not just any Charlie, it had to be a real Charlie, sometimes called the right or proper Charlie. With a single-minded intensity it began its search.

M pressed a button on the arm of her chair and a huge all-seeing eye appeared on the wall screen. The cat purred approval, turned its head to look at her, winked, and said, "That ought to do the trick, got any cat treats?"

Post SLAPPERS soiree (conversations and opinions yet to be reported)in Merde Hawk City an apparition has reappeared in an uptown hotel in a downtown part of a pioneering city.
Quietly stroking a white cat whilst sitting in a rather large arm chair M, formerly known as Snowhite has surpassed even Madonna in reinventing both herself and her career path. She, reputedly, was making trillions from her best seller bodice ripper, Egotistical versus Fanatical Planners, Madness or Fit?

Capatin Charlie sighed
It had been a long drawn out leave
Sucking hard on San Mig he contemplated his return
While it was a long flight he knew his keyboard would be waiting
Life was good even if most people couldnt work out where he was coming from

SB and SW had been in Limbo along with the rest of the PP crew. They’d tried to get under the bar but it was too low so they decided to sit at it and drink Planter’s Punch the same as everyone else.

Captain Charlie, demoted from Major for a reason that was SECRET had his own theory concerning deliberate sabotage by alien labourers masquerading as planners. He wasn’t going to tell anyone though because it was another secret, just like the height of a certain tower.

He stared hard at his green joke book, then at his planning guide. His eyes switched back and forth between them then grew wide with horror, he couldn’t tell them apart!

What did he just say said the software jockey
Its all latin to me said frenchie
now if I had that tape measure
just then
ha ha bonk
a planner laughed her head off
not just a planner it was snow white
having had a marathon session reading "bondage and the stove"
she had just read major Charlies planning guidlines
he’s off his heeid she cried indeed wheres mine gone.
recovering, reattaching her head she chortled
Ill freeze his valves or was it winterise them
more curry said sweatty betty leering over the march issue of young and inexperienced boy planners and other computer jockeys
the sun set
the keys cooled and the northern lights were turned on

Oscar realised he would never overtake Major Charlie as the most valuable planner
Charlie was the the man to beat and as for his mate from Sesame street Unmo he was the pinacle of the breed, arrogant, digitally dexterous, capable of updating 5000 activities at the press of a button. How the site did it mattered not to him, he was employed to drive the software.
The frenchman sniffed and started his compressor
He would purge the slappers from their den
Just then Steve Mcqueen arrived in seagull city was this to be the great escape.
Could the CV jump to a higher level
"I dont care, I dont care, its 1000 metres and I was their when it was done, I dont care" and software jockey collapsed into a quivering heap, was this his final post
Sweaty betty clasped her crystal flute, how nice seagull city appeared at this time of night, Snow white was on her last hop south, the curry rumbled in the bowels of sweaty betty, was seagull city ready for this?.
just then

And so by the inclusion of just one word, a light-hearted pot-boiler became a tale of unimaginable horror and confusion.

Oscar

Before you respond - I retract the post below - I missed the posts on the other thread - and thought you were having a go at the other co-founder of SLAPPERS.

Apologies - I’ll try to keep up in future .....

and thus the preferred reading material of the SLAPPERS had been discovered, SW had tired swiftly of "You are what you Eat" - if that were true she could be pulling a sleigh next year.... As for Sweaty Betty that had been a mistake on the part of the paper boy - Lord Knows who had ended up with her Womans Weekly Special Edition - Knit your own Rio Carnaval Costume.

The computer jockey continued
He was trying to crash the software
he reached 50,000 activities
then 100,000 his eyes rolled
the plug was pulled and he slumped into a heap quivering with pent up pentium
a perfume of sweat pervaded the air
and the slightest hint of dry sweet sherry
Could this be the venue of the slappers that the jockey had stumbled upon in his keyboard frenzy
but just then!!!!!!

The frenchman climbed onboard his 2CV
He had a perception it would not float and perhaps it had no float
Munching on his Shergar berger he contemplated his journey
Where would the path to Nivana lead was it all critical or was there another path
Barking seemed to be the end of the line
He knew there at least he would find an answer
Maybe sweaty betty was buying the sherry although it was not where he expected her to be
He grew excited at the prospect of watching her demonstrate her software and remembered the levels her output went to.
Whats this on the horizon a new holy grail?
A place where women planners had a role to play
What had happened to gwendoline, after the frenchemn had last air pressed her into independent planning
He would tonight find out
Wa karamasta he sighed to the 2CV
Expectantly he!!!