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Some Funnies

11 replies [Last post]
Mon, 2007-04-16 12:15
Philip Jonker
User offline. Last seen 15 years 52 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 7 Nov 2004
Posts: 852
Groups: None
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.



The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"



The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"



The second blonde got really upset and yelled, "You MORON!!! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the OTHER side of the house!!"




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Replies

Wed, 2007-05-23 06:52
#1
Andrew Pearce
User offline. Last seen 1 year 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 11 Jun 2001
Posts: 175
Groups: Building Information Modelling, The GrapeVine
Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

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Wed, 2007-05-23 01:57
#2
Ashraf Jahangeer
User offline. Last seen 8 years 38 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 8 May 2007
Posts: 144
Groups: Petro-Chem / Oil & Gas
What the Kids think about Love and Marriage:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And The #1 Response Was...
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
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Fri, 2007-05-18 08:08
#3
Oliver Melling
User offline. Last seen 5 years 9 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Posts: 595
Groups: The GrapeVine
Accident!

Just heard on the news that a car has crashed into the indian restaurant next to my office.
Apparently the driver is suffering from a dodgy tikka and the passenger is in a korma.

Thankyou.
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Thu, 2007-05-17 14:10
#4
Philip Jonker
User offline. Last seen 15 years 52 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 7 Nov 2004
Posts: 852
Groups: None
An Irish joke,

An englishman is parked in Dublin, watching these two Irish navies going down the road, on the sidewalk, the first one is digging holes, and the second backfilling them, which made him very curious. He decided to ask them the purpose of the excersize. On questioning them the answer was that they were the tree planting team, but that the guy who was to put the trees in the hole was absent due to illness.

Regards
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Wed, 2007-05-02 03:24
#5
Clive Randall
User offline. Last seen 16 years 49 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 744
Groups: None
Whats the simialarity between a blonde and a shopping trolley
A shopping trolley has a mind of its own

By the way was the policeman also blonde Philip
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Mon, 2007-04-30 11:24
#6
Philip Jonker
User offline. Last seen 15 years 52 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 7 Nov 2004
Posts: 852
Groups: None
Hi Guys,
This one is aboutblondes and traffic officers.

The blonde,in a Porsche, get’s stopped by the traffic officer. He asks her for her license, and she digs in her handbag After five minutes she finds something the right size, a mirror, and hands it to him, he looks at it and hands it back to her, saying, if I knew you were a police officer as well, I would not have stopped you.

Regards
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Sat, 2007-04-28 05:52
#7
M.Cem Usluoglu
User offline. Last seen 17 years 30 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 7
Groups: None
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE ONE:

4 project managers were in a construction site.They had an arguement about the height of a pole stick.It was not written in the plans.So they have decided to measure it.

3 of the managers were blondes.They have grabbed a long ladder.One climbed up the ladder and two other blondes were holding the ladder tightly.4th manager was watching them without saying a word.

Suddenly a strong wind started.Ladder started to shake.They were hardly holding it and the meter felt down from the hand of the one on the ladder and hit one of the holding ones in the head.He left the ladder and ladder felt down with the one on it.
They were so upset and afraid to measure it again.
4th one was laughing at them.He came to the pole stick.Screwed and removed it from its place.Laid it down.And measured.
-Exactly 4 meters and 44 cm!!! he said and left the site with shaking his head to sides.

Blonde managers were surprised.And they also started to laugh!And the one on the ladder said:
-What a stupid one.How did they hire him???We wanted to measure the height of the pole and he is telling us the lenght....


They are not much about Pm but here are a few more blonde jokes:

In the pizzeria waiter asks the blonde:
-Madam.Would you like to have your pizza sliced into 4 or 8 pieces?
Blonde: NO NO NO!!! do not slice into 8.
I am on a diet. cant eat that much!

A blonde was standing in front of a mirror with closed eyes for minutes.Someone who noticed her asked:
-Why are you standing in front of the mirror with your eyes closed ???
Blonde: I always wanted to know how does my face look while i am sleeping




:)


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Mon, 2007-04-23 01:38
#8
Anoon Iimos
User offline. Last seen 2 years 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Posts: 1422
Groups: Pinoy Planning Planet Community
this isn’t funny! (i want blondes!)

they’re filling the holes because they don’t want water to come in and they don’t want the holes to cave-in, but they haven’t realised that the one who enquired is the replacement for the sick tree planter!
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Sun, 2007-04-22 12:55
#9
Philip Jonker
User offline. Last seen 15 years 52 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 7 Nov 2004
Posts: 852
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Hi have a lot of blondes,
but also a few Irish tree planters. The tree planting team was going down the road, digging holes and filling them, when an English arsehole spotted them, and enquired what they were doing, th3y were planting trees, but the guy who was supposed to put the treee in was sick.
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Tue, 2007-04-17 10:23
#10
Anoon Iimos
User offline. Last seen 2 years 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Posts: 1422
Groups: Pinoy Planning Planet Community
Hi Philip,

have you got some more blondes out there?
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Tue, 2007-04-17 02:39
#11
Anoon Iimos
User offline. Last seen 2 years 45 weeks ago. Offline
Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Posts: 1422
Groups: Pinoy Planning Planet Community
HA HA HA!!! very funny! the other blonde didn’t realised that the other side of the house is glass!
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